


contaminated

by ootn



Series: habits of my heart [3]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Break Up, Cheating, Crying, Dubious Morality, Heartbreak, M/M, Mildly Dubious Consent, Sexual Content, Somnophilia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-14
Updated: 2020-02-27
Packaged: 2021-02-27 22:22:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,738
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22703137
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ootn/pseuds/ootn
Summary: chenle comes to him in the night.jisung just wants him to leave.
Relationships: Huang Ren Jun/Zhong Chen Le, Na Jaemin/Park Jisung, Park Jisung/Zhong Chen Le
Series: habits of my heart [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1632931
Comments: 25
Kudos: 109





	1. Chapter 1

Chenle comes to him in the middle of the night. 

Jisung blinks slowly, trying to decipher the sight in front of him. Chenle is hovering over him, illuminated only by the small stream of light coming from under the door.

“Chenle?” Jisung is confused, and tired, and his heart hurts. Chenle has found him at his most vulnerable state, and he has a sinking feeling that Chenle will take advantage of that.

They haven’t talked in two weeks, since Jisung admitted to Chenle that he saw something more than a friend in Chenle.

Since Chenle told Jisung he didn’t feel the same.

It hurts even more, now, looking at Chenle and his heartbreaking beauty. He looks tired too, and Jisung desperately wants to rub his thumbs over his cheek bones and soothe him. Chenle is wearing one of Renjun’s t-shirts, one that’s too large on Renjun but seems to fit Chenle better, and Jisung feels the bitter wound in his heart splitting open again.

Chenle sits down on the edge of the bed, reaching for one of Jisung’s hands. He takes it in his own and presses a kiss to the back of it, and Jisung is so enthralled by it that he forgets they shouldn’t be doing this. 

“Chenle, stop,” he tries weakly, making no effort to pull away from the older boy.

Chenle just smiles at him, and Jisung is frozen as he watches him lean over him before he presses a gentle kiss to his lips. And just as quickly as he leaned down, Chenle is sitting back up, making Jisung wonder if he imagined it. But he can’t have, because his lips are burning from having Chenle’s against his own and Chenle is still holding onto his hand, rubbing his thumb in circles over it.

It’s delayed, but Jisung sits up as if he’s been shocked, startling both of them.

“ _What are you doing?_ ”

Chenle looks brave, too brave for this time of night, too brave to be sitting in Jisung’s bed and looking like he wants to kiss him again.

He does.

This time, Jisung reciprocates, even though every bone in his body is telling him not to. But he wants this so bad, he’s wanted this for so long that he tells himself he doesn’t care that Chenle isn’t his.

Chenle kisses tentatively, letting Jisung get more intense at his own pace. It doesn’t take long for Jisung to kiss Chenle like he really wants to, biting gently on Chenle’s bottom lip before sticking his tongue in his mouth. Chenle sucks on his tongue before pushing his own into Jisung’s mouth, and Jisung groans.

They’ve been sitting at an arm's length this whole time, but Chenle wants more of Jisung so he wraps his arms around Jisung’s neck, scooting closer.

Jisung snaps out of it.

He pulls back like he’s been burned, scrambling back toward his headboard and sitting there like a scared child, pulling his knees to his chest and wrapping his arms around them. “Chenle, what are you doing?” There’s no animosity in it, none of the acid or bite that Chenle was expecting to hear. Just pure sadness. He spreads his hands, looking helpless as he says, “I’m sorry, Jisung. I just have to know.” 

And then he’s on Jisung again, but this time he’s taking the younger boy’s face in his hands and covering his face in kisses. Jisung doesn’t reciprocate, but he slowly begins to unfold his body again, and at some point Chenle ends up in his lap. 

Chenle presses one more kiss, on Jisung’s mouth this time, tender and soft, before he sits back on Jisung’s thighs and sticks his hand in Jisung’s boxers. 

Jisung hisses, and he whispers, “Chenle, please don’t,” and Chenle pauses. 

“Do you want me?” He’s asking like he wants Jisung to say no, but he knows the answer. Jisung’s heart stops, and he can feel tears springing to his eyes. 

“Chenle, I want you more than anything.” Chenle wraps his hand around his cock.

“Chenle, please, stop,” Jisung begs, and he can feel a few tears stream down his cheeks. Chenle doesn’t stop. He twists his hand around Jisung, dry and rough but yet so gentle because it’s _Chenle_ and to Jisung any touch from Chenle is heaven sent. 

“I love you,” Chenle says, and Jisung sobs because he knows he doesn’t mean it the way he wants it to.

“You don’t.” 

“I do.” Chenle hasn’t stopped stroking him, but he does for a moment as he removes his hand to spit in it before twisting his wrist around Jisung’s shaft again. And then he bends down, and Jisung knows this is going to be the end of him.

Chenle lowers his face to Jisung’s cock, and he looks up at Jisung through his eyelashes as he takes it in his mouth. Jisung hisses, and he curls his fists in the sheets because he thinks if he touches Chenle he’ll break.

Chenle bobs his head up and down his shaft, and he’s good at it, better than Jisung wants him to be. He comes off for a second, and he murmurs “You’re bigger than him,” and then he swallows Jisung’s tip again.

Jisung jerks his hips up, accidentally shoving his cock further down Chenle’s throat than he can take, but Chenle does take it, staring up at Jisung with glassy eyes as a few tears fall down his cheeks. Chenle gives him one last suck, dragging his tongue down the length of Jisung’s cock before swirling it around the tip, and then he sits back up. It occurs to Jisung that Chenle hasn’t been wearing underwear this entire encounter.

Chenle kneels over Jisung once more, reaching for Jisung’s cock and positioning his body over it. Jisung is frozen, the sight of Chenle hovering over him too beautiful for him to tear his eyes away from. Chenle’s words from earlier come to mind, _You’re bigger than him_ , and he flinches when he realizes Chenle is _comparing_ them. He’s only here, in Jisung’s bed because he wants to know if he’s missing out on a better fuck. 

All thoughts of that, though, fly from his head when Chenle lines himself up to Jisung’s dick, and Chenle lets out a quiet moan as he pushes Jisung’s cock into his hole. There’s a bit of a stretch, but Jisung can tell Chenle has been loosened up and his hole is slick, too. He realizes in one heart-shattering second that Chenle planned for this. This was his goal all along. Jisung never had a choice in the matter.

Chenle sits down flush against Jisung’s hips, trying his best to adjust as he reaches for Jisung and tries to catch his breath. Jisung grabs onto Chenle’s waist instinctively, and Chenle catches his eye and grins. Jisung looks away.

Chenle takes a deep breath, and then he starts to _move_ , and it’s both the best and the worst thing that Jisung’s ever experienced. Chenle feels so good around him, the feeling of fucking in and out of him is making his head spin, and every time Chenle bounces on his dick Jisung is more sure this is what heaven feels like. Holding Chenle, being inside him, being used by him— it’s glorious.

But it makes him start to cry again, because he knows it’s only a temporary fix and Chenle will go right back to Renjun after this. He realizes with a sickening twist of his stomach that Chenle is still wearing Renjun’s shirt. He’s wearing Renjun’s clothes, his _boyfriend’s_ clothes, as he sinks down on Jisung’s cock before raising again, trying desperately to angle himself right so that Jisung hits his sweet spot straight on.

Chenle grabs Jisung’s chin, pulling it up and forcing him to make eye contact. “Tell me that you love me,” he demands, and Jisung can’t say no.

“I love you, Chenle.”

“How much?”

“More than anything, more than _everything_ , god, Chenle, you’re the only one, you’ll only ever be the only one—” he cuts off, letting out another sob as Chenle clenches around him.

“I love you, Jisungie,” Chenle replies, breathless as he continues to fuck himself on the younger’s cock.

“Tell me you love me enough to be with me,” Jisung pleads, “Tell me you’ll leave Renjun. Tell me I’m the only one.”

Chenle sighs, running a hand through Jisung’s hair as he looks at him with pity before responding. “Jisungie, you know I can’t do that.”

Jisung cries as Chenle continues to ride him for all he’s worth, and he realizes that he’s coming and before he can even say anything he’s spilling inside Chenle, who whines at the feeling of being filled. 

“Get off of me,” Jisung begs in a whisper, and Chenle gives him a look, staying seated on him as he jacks himself off. He comes all over Jisung’s stomach, and Jisung winces. “Get _off_ , Chenle,” Jisung demands, a bit firmer in tone but they both pretend that they can’t hear his voice waver. Chenle dutifully removes himself, raising onto his knees again and letting Jisung’s soft cock slip out of him. 

“I can feel your cum in me, Jisungie,” Chenle whimpers, and he reaches toward his hole, and the next time Jisung looks at him he’s scooped some of Jisung’s cum out of his hole and stuck it in his mouth, sucking on his fingers.

Jisung drops his head toward his chest, burying his face in his hands. Chenle sits there, watching him curiously, and Jisung _hates_ that he can still feel his presence. 

“ _Get out_ ,” Jisung pleads, talking into his hands, and Chenle nods. Jisung can feel Chenle climbing off of the bed, and he doesn’t look up. He doesn’t want to have to see his face once more tonight. 

“Jisung,” Chenle says softly, and Jisung is so, so weak as he looks up at Chenle. 

Chenle gives him an apologetic look. “I’m sorry, Jisungie,” he says, not sounding sorry at all, “I just had to know.”

“I love you, Chenle,” Jisung blurts, he can’t hold back, he’s so desperate, he’s willing to say anything that will make Chenle stay. Anything that will make Chenle want to be with him.

“I love you too, Jisungie, so much,” Chenle responds. He gives him a half smile, just the smallest upturn of his lips. And then he slips back into the hallway, closing the door behind him as he returns to Renjun’s bedroom.

  
  



	2. Chapter 2

When Renjun wakes up, curled into Chenle, he knows right away something’s off. 

There’s something not quite right, Chenle… _smells_ different. Not completely, but not like really like himself. Renjun buries his face in Chenle’s neck and—

Jisung. He smells like Jisung.

Something clicks in Renjun’s head. The way Jisung’s been avoiding both of them, the way he’s been sulking, the way Chenle’s been complaining about him for weeks. He honestly thought Jisung was just upset that Chenle was in a relationship and he didn’t have as much time to spend with his best friend, and _that_ was naïve of him. 

This makes so much more sense.

He also cannot for the life of him picture, by any stretch of his imagination, Jisung trying to initiate something with Chenle. He’s just too _nice,_ and besides, from what he’s heard from Chenle he wants nothing to do with him.

That leaves everything up to Chenle. 

Everything is falling into place.

In Renjun’s heart of hearts, he thinks Chenle will tell him. He believes Chenle will fess up, and Renjun will forgive him, and things will carry on as usual. But he doesn’t want to wait for Chenle to wake up to find out, and he’s pretty sure there’s one way he can tell immediately. 

He pulls the covers off of them, exposing Chenle’s bare legs and lack of underwear. This isn’t unusual for Chenle, but still. It’s only supporting his hunch.

Chenle’s laying on his back, still sound asleep, and he doesn’t wake as Renjun carefully spreads his legs and settles between them. He hesitates, then pushes a finger into his hole. It’s wet and sticky inside, and Renjun’s inkling is confirmed. _Chenle had sex with Jisung._

For some reason, Renjun isn’t all that phased. Deep down, he always wondered if there was something between them. It only took Chenle initiating it to figure it out. 

There’s also this body-chilling wave of possessiveness that rolls over Renjun, and before he knows what he’s doing he pushes another finger into Chenle’s hole. He scissors them a bit, but Chenle’s clearly still stretched— he wonders how long ago Jisung was inside him. It’s making Renjun feel sick, the idea of anyone else touching any part of his boyfriend. The idea of anyone else being _inside_ his boyfriend.

He shifts momentarily, raising a bit and leaning over Chenle to grab at the half-empty bottle of lube on the nightstand. He slicks his cock up quickly and then, before he has a chance to think about what he’s doing or have second thoughts, he thrusts into Chenle.

Renjun’s never fucked Chenle before, he’s usually pretty content just to be filled, but it’s not like he isn't capable. And right now, the only thing on his mind is fucking any and all thoughts of Jisung out of Chenle’s mind and body. He fucks into Chenle, impatient and jealous and determined. Chenle only makes small whimpers in his sleep that make Renjun feel like he’s going to lose his mind. At some point, he lifts Chenle’s hips up onto his thighs, changing the angle before he continues on.

Chenle wakes up.

He’s groggy, and he rubs his eyes for a moment before realizing that Renjun is _fucking him_. Which, first of all, is super hot, but also, why in his sleep? Why now?

“Renjun,” Chenle slurs, the sleep in his voice still apparent, “What are you doing?”

Renjun doesn’t falter, doesn’t even react. All he says is “Did you fuck him?” 

“Who?” Chenle is still a bit disoriented from just waking up and it takes him a second to understand what Renjun’s talking about. “Jisung?”

Renjun scoffs. “So you did?”

Chenle lets out a sigh, which Renjun suspects has more to do with resignation than pleasure.

“I did, Renjun.”

“Why?” 

“I dunno… He confessed to me weeks ago and I just needed to know if i was missing something.” Renjun feels a pang in his chest, and he stops fucking Chenle. “Am I not good enough?” he asks quietly, curling his hands into fists and looking down at where he’s buried in Chenle.

“ _No_ , Renjun, you are more than good enough,” Chenle says firmly, raising onto his elbows, “You’re amazing. You’re too good for me. I phrased that so wrong. I just had to… I had to know,” he finishes, echoing the sentiment he told Jisung less than 6 hours ago as he rode his cock. Now Renjun is inside him, and Chenle feels like he’s in emotion overdrive, but he keeps himself calm. 

“Renjun, I know it’s not right, and I’m sorry, it’s just, I’ve known him for so long and he’s been my best friend and… I don’t know,” he finishes lamely. 

Renjun sighs. “Were you going to tell me?”

“ _Yes_ ,” Chenle responds, reaching for one of Renjun’s hands and linking it with his own. “Yes, I was going to tell you in the morning. I swear, Renjun, I wouldn’t lie to you.”

“But you did.” Renjun pulls out of Chenle, who sits up so they’re face to face, only a few inches apart. “You went to him… why?”

Chenle sighs, running a hand through his hair. “Renjun. I love you so much, okay? I love you and I want you, _only_ you, and I went to him because I was scared. I was scared, Renjun, that I was doing something wrong, it felt too easy to be with you, I felt too lucky. I’ve never felt anything like I feel for you and it freaked me out that it felt so _right_ , I don’t know—” he’s rambling, and he stops only when Renjun leans forward to kiss him.

“Chenle,” he says when they break apart, “It’s okay. It’s okay. I— I understand. I’ve never felt this way about anyone else and we are so, so lucky to have each other. Okay? Please don’t question it, Chenle, it’s right. We belong together.” His voice cracks a little at the end, and Chenle can see the tears springing to his eyes. He opens his arms, and Renjun climbs into the immediately, curling into his lap and tucking his head into Chenle’s neck. He cries quietly as Chenle holds him. 

“It’s okay,” Chenle whispers, “It’s okay. I love you.”

Renjun just doesn’t believe him. 


	3. Chapter 3

Jaemin wakes up in the middle of the night. He’s not usually a light sleeper, but he was having a rather disturbing dream and he’s glad, for once, to be awake. 

He lays in the dark, just taking in the silence when he hears the low click of a door closing. It sounds close— it sounds like Jisung’s room. He can hear footsteps leading away, down the hallway. There’s no reason for anyone to be up right now; even when Chenle and Jisung were on speaking terms Chenle would go to bed ages before Jisung. He’d never be in his room this late. Something feels off.

He doesn’t know what compels him to check on Jisung, but he does. He climbs out of bed, not even bothering to put slippers on before he heads next door. He knocks lightly, and doesn’t get a response, so he cracks the door open. The low light of the hallways reveals Jisung curled into himself on his bed, and he’s shaking— is he _crying_? Jaemin rushes to his side immediately. 

“Jisungie?” The boy in the bed cowers a bit, but he raises his head a little to make watery eye contact with Jaemin. 

Jaemin feels his heart break into a million pieces.

Jisung is a mess, his hair is tangled and his eyes are bloodshot and there are tears streaming down his red cheeks. Jaemin doesn’t even think, he just climbs into bed and pulls Jisung into his lap, who goes easily. Jisung is taller than him, but he seems so small in this moment. Jaemin just holds him, whispering quiet ‘shh’s and kissing the top of his head. He doesn’t ask, and Jisung doesn’t tell. 

Eventually, they fall asleep, wrapped around each other.

⭑

It takes Jisung a moment to recognize that he’s not alone when he wakes up in the morning. He shoots up, trying to get his bearings and waking Jaemin in the process, who had been holding him as he slept.

“Jaemin?” he asks, stunned and confused. Jaemin is still half asleep, but he cracks his eyes open and mumbles, “You okay?”

“No… I’m… When did you come in here?”

Jaemin yawns. “Like four. I heard someone leaving, went to check on you, you were crying,” he explains, voice still thick with sleep. 

Jisung wrings his hands. “Did you hear anything last night?”

“Um, no, other than when your door closed.” Jaemin sits up, waking up more as he cups Jisung’s face with his hand. “What happened last night?”

Jisung just looks down in his lap, squirming uncomfortably and making Jaemin’s heart do a little flip. 

“Jisung…” 

The younger boy sighs. “Listen, Jaemin, I just… I can’t talk about this,” he pleads, and Jaemin cocks an eyebrow.

“Chenle,” he guesses, and he can tell by the way Jisung flinches that his hunch was correct. “Jisung, please be honest with me. What did he do?”

Silence.

“Jisung…” Jaemin sighs, and he grabs Jisung’s hands in his own to get him to stop fidgeting, and Jisung finally meets his eyes. 

“We had sex,” he says, so quietly that Jaemin almost misses it. But he doesn’t, and he straightens in shock, then gives Jisung an apologetic look when he winces.

“I know it sounds bad, and it is, but he just… he came into my room when I was asleep and I didn’t really know what he was doing, until…” he drops his head down. “He said he loved me,” he says, wistfully, and Jaemin is truly reeling. 

“Wait. Jisung, hold on,” he says, shaking his head as if it will help clear his muddled brain. “You guys had sex? Are you okay? Did he…” 

“ _No_ ,” Jisung immediately replies, pulling his hands back, “No, I wanted to, I did, and I shouldn’t have, but I couldn’t help it, he said he loved me and then… And now he’s probably never going to talk to me again and Renjun-hyung is going to kill me!” It seems that the flood gates have opened, and Jisung seems well and truly panicked. “Jaemin! Fuck, what am I gonna do? Oh my god, am I a homewrecker?” He asks so desperately that Jaemin can't help but laugh a little. “Jaemin!” he scolds, and the older boy sobers immediately. 

“Sorry. I’m sorry Jisung. But you’re not a homewrecker. Obviously you shouldn’t have had sex with him but… it sounds like he came to you when he know your inhibitions would be lowered and you’d be vulnerable.” He looks at Jisung sadly. “On the other hand… Renjun’s not going to hate you, he acts tough but he doesn’t have a mean bone in his body. But Chenle…” Jaemin shakes his head, and Jisung doesn’t miss the way his hands curl into fists.

“He has _no_ right. That’s so fucked up, what the hell, what made him think that would be okay, saying all that shit to you and then taking advantage of you… I’m going to kill him,” he declares, and this time it’s Jisung who grabs Jaemin’s hands. He meets Jaemin’s gaze, carefully uncurling Jaemin’s fingers and linking them with his own. 

“Jaemin, I’m going to be okay.” Jaemin looks pissed, and Jisung sighs. He can’t deal with this right now, when he’s already so torn up over his own feelings. “Can we just go back to sleep? I’m drained.” 

“Okay,” Jaemin whispers, and he lies back down, opening his arms to Jisung, who curls into his side immediately. Jisung falls back asleep almost instantly, but it feels like forever before Jaemin’s head and heart calm down enough for him to drift off.

⭑

Chenle is doing his makeup when Jaemin bursts into his room. Jaemin doesn’t even knock, and Chenle yelps when he storms in, startling him and and fucking up his eyeliner. 

“Um, hello?” he says, obviously annoyed. Jaemin glares at him in his vanity mirror, and Chenle spins around in his chair because it reminds him of when Jisung did the same thing to him in the practice room and he doesn’t like it one bit. “What?”

“You need to get your shit together and stop fucking with everyone else’s emotions,” Jaemin says, loud and clear and making Chenle blush. That alone was probably enough, but Jaemin has had it with this little shit running around wreaking havoc and he needs to put him in his place. “You’re literally _ruining_ Jisung, he hasn’t been the same since when we caught Renjun and you, which would have been fine, except then you _fucked him_ when you knew he wouldn’t be able to say no—”

Chenle interrupts here, defiant as always: “He wanted it!” 

Jaemin throws his hands up in frustration. “You’re missing the point! You knew he’d do anything for you, even if he knew it was wrong so you fucking what? Came onto him when he was half asleep? When you knew it would be that much harder for him to say no to you? You fucked him up _bad_ , Chenle. And Renjun, I’ve never seen him as happy as he is with you but what did you do? Just throw that away? What the fuck is wrong with you?” He realizes too late that he’s gotten increasingly louder, and now he’s yelling, and he’s breathing heavy as Chenle glares at him. The younger boy finally gets out of his chair, standing so he’s mere inches away from Jaemin’s face.

“Okay, first of all, it’s none of your fucking business who I fuck.”

“It becomes my business when you destroy someone’s entire personality because of it!” Chenle rolls his eyes.

“Fine. I shouldn’t have slept with Jisung, and I apologize for that.”

“Then tell him! Tell him and Renjun you’re sorry!” 

Chenle glares at him before continuing. “Secondly, keep your nose out of mine and Renjun’s relationship.” 

“He’s my best friend,” Jaemin shoots back, and Chenle scoffs. 

“And? He’s my boyfriend. Jisung was my best friend too, but he can’t wrap his head around the fact that I don’t want him the same way he wants me.” He says it bitterly, like he’s trying to sound tough, but Jaemin can tell Chenle is actually shaken up about losing his best friend. Jaemin takes a tiny step closer, expression softening a fraction.

“You really didn’t know?” he asks gently, and Chenle gives him a sad look.

“I didn’t. I wish I did. I never thought he felt anything for me… I never should have kissed him,” he mumbles, staring at the ground.

“That you’re right about,” Jaemin replies, and it comes out snarkily, which makes Chenle’s head whip up. He looks Jaemin in the eyes again, and he sees a spark there that he hadn’t noticed before. Realization dawns on him.

“Oh my god. Wait, oh my god. Are you in love with him?” The look on Jaemin’s face gives him away.

“Oh my god, you’re in love with him.” Jaemin looks away. “You _are_ ,” Chenle crows triumphantly. “What are you going to do about it?”

Jaemin looks at him with disgust. “What I’m _going_ to do is try to put him back together after the shit you pulled,” he snaps, and Chenle has the decency to look ashamed.

“I’m sorry,” he whispers, and it’s Jaemin’s turn to roll his eyes. 

“Don’t tell me that. Tell Jisung. He deserves it,” Jaemin replies, and Chenle bites his lip nervously. “And you’d better make things right with Renjun. I’ll see you at practice, Chenle.”

He leaves, and it takes forever for Chenle to fix his eyeliner because he’s shaking so much. 

⭑

As it turns out, making things right with Renjun is harder than it seemed to Chenle, when Jaemin yelled at him about it in his room. He doesn’t know what to do, and for the first time in his life he feels like he’s lost all control over his life. When did he turn to manipulating other people to feel complete? Chenle lays in bed, staring at the ceiling and contemplating this whenever he has any free time. Eventually, he comes to a sad conclusion. He has to end things with Renjun.

Now that he knows what to do, the only questions are when, where and how. He wracks his brain for days on end and decides eventually that he needs to speed it up. Renjun probably knows this is coming already, anyway. They don’t do all that much together anymore, Renjun’s normally bright spark is dull and they’re really only around each other when they have sex. Come to think of it, Renjun’s been spending a lot of time with Jeno, and ouch, that hurts a little. But he deserves it, Chenle reminds himself. He has no right to be hurt that Renjun is spending time with anyone else. Not after what Chenle did to him.

⭑

A few days later, Chenle runs into Renjun, who is apparently looking for him, and after an awkward exchange they stand there in silence. 

“I’m sorry—”

“I can’t—”

They laugh awkwardly, before Chenle says “It’s okay, you go,” and Renjun gives him a half smile. 

“I can’t do this anymore.” It’s what he was expecting, and it’s how he was anticipating this meeting going, but it still stings. 

Chenle sighs. “I know.”

They look at each other, and Chenle continues on, because Renjun seems to be waiting for something and he thinks he knows what. “I’m sorry, Renjun. For everything, for cheating on you—” he doesn’t miss the way Renjun winces, “and for… being dishonest. But, Renjun, I really, really love you. That won’t change, even if it’s just as friends.” Renjun gives him a sad smile.

“I love you too, Chenle. I wish things would have gone differently.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is the end of this part of the series but i promise i have more coming! please stick around and thank you all for your support TT


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